1. Pick a place to travel….. Ummmm Germany
2. Plan your trip months in advance and make sure its during the glorious summer months
3. Make sure you plan your entire trip around a music festival, for example : Hurricane in Schiessel (150 kms from Hamburg)
4. Carry clothes only for the summer. Maybe a light jacket in case it gets nippy. BUT NOTHING MORE. Also, do not ever consider global warming as a real threat.
5. Reach Hamburg and freeze in the 12 degree temperature. But consider yourself above such trivial matters and do not buy any warm clothing.
6. Reach the festival during the day when the sun is out and consider yourself a champion because you haven’t got frostbite and are enjoying the music.
7. Be bold and buy yourself a sun-hat from a man from Senegal.
8 .Take some time out and congratulate each other on being so awesome. Say things like ‘I knew it. This weathers got nothing on me. I knew it would clear up. Everybody kiss my feet.’
9. Watch the sky become overcast and laugh nervously.
10. Feel your toes go numb but don’t speak about it. Instead, rush into the first tent you see and act like you really like the band performing on stage.
11. After the band stops playing and everybody leaves, keep hanging around the tent. When it’s just the two of you and it starts getting creepy, leave.
12. Head out and realise that brain freezes don’t just happen when you drink cold water.
13. Try talking to each other but notice that the conversation gets drowned out by the chattering of teeth.
14. Realise that you’re looking like a bit of a tool with a sun-hat on now that the sun has set. Take it off and hand it to your boyfriend and watch him try to wrap it around his hands as if it were a pair of gloves.
15. Realise that now you must find some shelter or clothes to protect you from dying. Head to the closest stall with clothes for sale. Watch your boyfriend wear the first jacket he lays eyes on and shriek “I’LL TAKE IT” to the shopkeeper who is standing a foot away.
16. Do the same for yourself. But go one step further. Buy a jacket with some chinese design and script all over the right sleeve. Strut out of the store.
17. Realise it’s still a tad bit cold, so wrap a dirty looking scarf all over your head and wear the hoodie on top of it. Along with your shades.
18. Order some chicken noodles just so you can hold the hot box and thaw your hands. Maybe have a few bites. Have your boyfriend hold the bentobox along with you.
19. Feel bad for yourselves and wonder whether you have a low pain threshold .
20. Notice that your poor boyfriend can’t put his hands in his pocket because of the stupid hat, so he’s worn it on his own head and then worn the hoodie on top of it.
21. Try to enjoy the music but don’t be surprised if people don’t want to stand next to you or throw rocks in your direction.